HOW TO BE A BETTER PARENT one day at a time

Being a Better Parent in July

On Sundays… Keep in mind throughout the week that unless you set aside many other demands, you will inevitably neglect your children’s deep need for your focused attention.

On Mondays… Don’t forget that children need to be physically close to their parents all their lives, not just when they are babies. Cuddling and rough-house play says love to small children. A touch on the shoulder sends love signals to a teen. And everyone needs hugs every day.

On Tuesdays… Remember that you can provide a good foundation for continuing communication in the family if you keep reading aloud as a family activity even after your children can read themselves. Reading good books as a family does more than help children in school. It establishes bonds of shared adventure and experience. It leads naturally to talks about ideas, hopes, feelings, worries, dreams and all the stuff of friendship.

On Wednesdays… Teach children to say “Pardon me” in a humble tone when they bump into someone or realize they have interrupted or caused a disturbance. Be a good example and use the same good manners with them.

On Thursdays… Check your attitude when you train children to clean their rooms or do chores. If you complain and scold while working, you discourage your children and sap their energy. Your approach to chore training teaches children attitudes toward work in general. A positive attitude can teach them that messes are a part of life, and the best thing to do with a mess is to deal with it efficiently and then move on.

On Fridays… Be aware that children do better when you tell them what to expect. So before explain beforehand how you expect your children to behave in a store, or how you expect them to treat other children as guests in their home. If you forget to explain before hand, and your children are disappointing you, then call them aside and explain what you expect of them in private.

On Saturdays… Remember this prayer for the month: Lord, give me the wisdom to recognize when our family is having a problem, the honesty to admit it, the courage to face it, and the perseverance to deal with it. Amen.

Hope of the Borderland: Dad a.k.a. the Pied Piper

Mom used to call my dad the Pied Piper. When he showed up in the yard, kids began appearing like magic.

BEING A BETTER PARENT…one week at a time in June

How to be a better parent in June:

On Sundays…Keep in mind that rules without a loving relationship breed rebellion.

On Mondays… Remember to look directly into your children’s  eyes when you encourage, compliment, or give “I love you” messages. Many parents unconsciously recognize the power of direct eye contact during negative encounters with their children. “Look at me,” they say before beginning to scold or give instructions. This is OK as long as parents use direct eye contact for positive encounters as well. Otherwise, children will begin to avoid making eye contact, which will hurt their ability to relate to others.

On Tuesdays… Don’t quit reading aloud to older children who can read independently. The books you read to them will build their vocabulary and enjoyment of literature. So read a chapter or two of a longer book aloud every night, and take a rousing adventure along on a family camping trip.

On Wednesdays…Keep in mind that a parent’s attitude is the most important factor in giving minor first aid. You need to be matter of fact about the pain without dismissing it. By providing a bit of warm nurturing along with a calm approach, you help children develop calmness and patience toward life’s inevitable emergencies. Warm soapy water, kisses and bandages are the standard, tried and true remedy for minor cuts and scrapes.

On Thursdays… When children do poorly on chores, “Criticize the job, not the worker,” says organization expert Bonnie McCullough.

On Fridays… Remember that perfectionism destroys creativity. So be generous with supplies and matter of fact about mistakes. For example, never restrict a child to one piece of paper. Children need to make many drawings at one sitting to improve their skills. Having to produce perfection on the first piece of paper blocks creativity.

On Saturdays…Keep in mind that children’s spiritual needs may sometimes be difficult for adults to recognize because they are so intertwined with youngsters’ physical and emotional needs. So be sensitive to the possibility that your child’s distress may be spiritual, but that he or she may not know helpful words to express the need.

I Recommend Singing

Recently a friend asked me how she could do a better job getting her three active boys to behave in the car. She described the family’s last car trip. They were hurrying to a church meeting on a school night, but the boys (ages 4 to 10) kept fighting and arguing loudly while she and her husband tried to talk. Finally she lost her temper., which made her husband upset, and there they were, in a  family meltdown.

Training Kids to do Housework

The teen years have a reputation for being the worst years for raising children, but I disagree. A well trained teen can be soooo competent. Take the time my gall bladder nearly blew up and landed me in emergency surgery.

BEING A BETTER PARENT …One Week at a Time in May

How to be a Better Parent in May

On Sundays…don’t forget that quality time with children usually occurs as an unplanned, happy gift. Most consistently it happens in the context of a relaxed atmosphere and LOTS of time.

On Mondays… remember to avoid attacking children when they need correction. You can train yourself to focus on children’s behavior (“Your dirty clothes are on the bathroom floor”) instead of making personal attacks (“You never pick up your dirty clothes. Blah blah blah.”)

On Tuesdays… keep in mind that children’s education is primarily the responsibility of their parents. Schools exist to help parents with the job. Children do best in school when parents and school staff work together as partners.

On Wednesdays…be aware that an allergic child will be less apt to rebel against his special diet if he knows everyone in the family is going to work on helping him feel better. So enlist the family’s help. Separately explain to your other children that helping sick people in the family get well is part of ordinary family love. Then describe how they can help, ask for their suggestions, and emphasize that the cook needs encouragement.

On Thursdays… Make an inventory of each of your children’s special likes and interests. Then use your lists to come up with ideas for individualized incentives to help them establish good work habits doing their chores.

On Fridays… remember that your neighborhood will look nicer if you take a trash bag along with you and fill it as you go whenever you take a walk. Doing this as a family activity will help children develop a sense of their responsibility to their community.

On Saturdays… If you do not attend church or synagogue, it’s a good idea to begin before your children start asking spiritual questions so you will be better prepared to meet their spiritual needs. However, if your children are teens, it’s still not too late to start. In any case, participating in a strong community of faith provides important support to help families grow and marriages flourish.

© Becky Cerling Powers 2002  Publish with Attribution Only www.beckycerlingpowers.wordpress.com

 

Hope of the Borderland: Brian Bolton’s Story

by Brian Bolton with Becky Cerling Powers

I remember one day when I woke up in a crack house with the electricity turned off and people crashed out everywhere and wondered how I got there.  How in my journey through life, with all the talents I had, with all of the community support and all of the family love I had, how I could be at this place and think that it was normal?

Throughout my childhood, I was raised in a solid Christian household and blessed with a wonderful family, even with the shortcomings of my stepfather. My own father died of a heart attack when I was four and the youngest of five children. My mother married a few years later, but unfortunately my stepfather’s ex-wife came back to him behind the scenes, and I lost my stepfather to divorce.

Still, with the strength of my mom, we made it through. I had wonderful teachers who helped me graduate with honors from Eastwood High School. I had wonderful coaches who helped me become all-city in swimming for three years straight. And I had wonderful youth directors in church and Young Life who helped me grow in the Lord. 

I left for Texas Tech in 1981 and moved out of the structured, disciplined environment where I thrived. I no longer had a coach for a daily training program. I didn’t have professors that cared about my grades and attendance. I had no youth director that I was spiritually accountable to. It was a gradual thing, but once I got unplugged, my batteries only lasted so long.

I met a beautiful co-ed. We drank, we got into drugs, we dropped out of college together and we had an abortion together. When that relationship ended, I moved from Lubbock to California to start over. But unfortunately I moved out there with myself.

Hope of the Borderland – Matt’s Tonsillectomy

When our son Matt was little he had a lot of ear infections. Finally in January, just after his fourth birthday, the pediatrician said that unless we could curb the infections, his hearing would be affected. He gave me the name of an Ear Nose Throat specialist and said, “He’ll probably want to put tubes in his ears.”

So I took Matt to the ENT, who examined him and said, “He needs a tonsillectomy. His tonsils are constantly swollen, and they are blocking his Eustachian tubes.” So we scheduled the surgery.

I’d had a tonsillectomy myself when I was six, so I knew Matt would be in a lot of pain. He really wanted cowboy boots, so we went out and bought him a pair to give him a happy distraction after his surgery.

Hope of the Borderland: Teaching on a Tightrope

(by Sharon Withers as told to Becky Cerling Powers)

The first time Manny walked into my classroom, I knew immediately that I had a huge problem on my hands. He came into my life during the 1980s when I taught a special fifth grade class for underachievers who had failed standardized testing. My task was to bring them up to passing level. My students had normal intelligence but struggled in school because of emotional and other problems or a poor grasp of English.

The school was located in a deteriorating neighborhood in central El Paso, and Manny came from a family embroiled in drugs and alcohol. His older brothers were in a gang, and Manny was attracted to gang life. He used to write gang signs on his papers and on his hands.

Being a Better Parent in April

On Sundays… Don’t forget to include space for play times when you plan the family schedule for this week. Staying home to play with your children nurtures them and builds trust and communication. It can be a great stress reliever for you, too.

On Mondays… Remember that children need lots of warm approval. So try to express your appreciation not only when they do a super job, but also during their awful stages when they do only passably well after being told what to do.

On Tuesdays… Be sure to encourage your children in their efforts in school. Show an interest in their schoolwork and hobbies. Listen to and talk with them. Praise their work and display it.

On Wednesdays… Let your children snack on the salad you plan to serve for supper if they are ravenous during meal preparation. Or else put out a big plate of fruit slices or raw vegetables—carrot and celery sticks, broccoli, cauliflower, green pepper, etc. This will take the edge off their appetites with one of the most nutritious parts of the meal.

On Thursdays… Remember that an allowance is a good tool for teaching children age 9 and older to save and to budget money for different purposes. Children under age 8 or 9 may not have the patience yet to save money or the emotional readiness to make the kinds of decisions required for a simple saving and spending plan.

On Fridays…Be aware that creativity tends to be messy. So teach children how to deal calmly and efficiently with the inevitable messes that are part of the creative process. Show them how to cut paper over a wastebasket or cover working surfaces with newspaper before starting to paint. Let children know that cleaning up after themselves is part of the creative process.

On Saturdays… Keep in mind that children get their first impression of God from their relationship with their parents. Constant unrealistic demands from a parent can have a bad affect on children’s spiritual development, building a sense of failure and false guilt. As adults, these children often reject God as non-existent or view God as a stern, distant being whom they must constantly placate.